Raise your flag to the wolves

the ever so hungry wolves. who feed off your happiness and tear apart your soul.

feeling lost and blue tonight. needing someone to hold and reassure me. time away from the family shows its strain after a while. i need to start tying up loose ends, they're fraying everywhere as my mind starts to unravel. work is dragging me down. these people desperately clinging on are dragging me down. i yearn to be solitary and independent yet crave the closeness of friends. i confuse myself too much. i long to be the pepper to someones salt, the phoenix to someones flames... you get the jist.

final fight shall be singing me to sleep tonight
xo

Sabbath Jam

currently spinning eyehategod
fuck me i forgot how amazing this band was.

Waiting...

How much of our lives is spent 'waiting' for things.
Patience is a virtue i was definately not blessed with.

Brilliant day doing nothing at all with Bex. Sometimes the best days are where you do nothing at all and just kick back with some rubbish food and even worse television.

Up early tomorrow to get back into the swing of things, meeting with my boss to sort out all the promo work that needs to be done this week and next. Then Saturday begins freshers week and then Bex and I shall be leading the netball girls into battle to win over the freshers! ha.

Cig, Brew & Bed now!! Gutten Abend! xo

Taken

VERY good place right now. Settled into my new job, co-workers are brilliant. Some suit gave me his number yesterday haha i politely declined the offer! Bex & Will move in this weekend! Next weekend freshers move in and my role as Social Sec finally begins! Al is coming to stay for a bit next week which im majorly SYKED about.





Starting to save money for travells next year. I stil cna't make my mind up where i'd like to go most. Cali (SnF fest), inter railing across Europe(inc Ieperfest), or Thailand. Hmm any of those for a month or so would be brilliant. Ohh maybe Ibiza?





Tonight is Claire's goodbye night out before she moves back to Sheffield :[ sad times. However this does mean regular visits to Sheff to go to Corp and get my smirk on haha.





Went to a good show the other night;

Only caught the end bands, but both were brilliant. Hordes were tight yo!

Went to both RZL DZL/ War Hungry/ Dirty Money shows (LDN & Bham) both shows were brill, however the LDN one was a liiiiitle pretentious but still a decent show. Spent a hella lot of money in Camden and in Brum center got some nice stuff though; Yellow crew-neck - 'M, i'd rather eat dirt', red/black plaid Fred Perry's, ankle boots from TopShop, and some vinyl & CD's in a record shop. So now im living frugely and spending as little as possible.

Ah Claire has arrived.
Toodelpip xo

I think?

I'm pretty happy right now, crushing hard :] but in a good way.

Jo has moved in, so the house feels more full already! He's dead good to me, making me cups of tea in the morning and breakfast! So yeah, i don't really want to go back to univrsity, or work ha, i wis my life was jus one big party ( well it is, but i wish it was one big party without the work in between ha). But i'm sure everybody does!

I'm gonna go into town now, get my smiley pierced i tink :]

I'll leave you wit my fave picture at the moment from the shoot i did with Emily Mae;

War of the Worlds

is on my tv

so SCARY. The main thing that scares me is the scene where all the people are tryin to get in the car! it scares me that that is how human behaviour actually is. I hope that no blumming machines come from outer space!!



So full now! just had tea, feel sick actually haha.



Leeds was awesome, me and Mae went to see Lewd acts, Gold Kids and Throats again. We stayed to party with the boys again. Totally crushing harrrrrd right now.

ARGH I HATE THIS FILM!!!!

haha why am i watching it

Sorry, Journal It's Been A While...

so mae put on an AMAZIND gig at ringside; Gold Kids, Lewd Acts, Throats and Sex Dungeon.
Great laughs,
Great Guys
Sweet after party at mine with 22 people (2 gals - me n mae, and 20 guyds haha heaven. )
such awesome guys cant wait to see them again

LOVE... TONIHGT......
hot rod
wine
flight of the conchords
emily mae
rachael eggs benedict arnold
the prospect of leeds on thursday
the prospect of London at the weekend (for RZL DZL)(both courtesy of Aimee <3)
seeing Haroun5 ha
girlie chats
walking to the shops in my jimjams
peterkay
more vino
such a good evening
gutted i have work tomo

ULTIMATE PUNCH

Mad Love

Holding some mad love for two girls in my life right now. Claire and Em-Mae. Having a night in with some Veggie Chilli, gossip and films tonight. It's always good to regain a bit of girl power in your life, when so constantly surrounded by testosterone!

Had one of those dreams last night, where I'm positive it's real and that I am awake. I could even feel the pain in this one. Bizarre. I also need to find a suitable sleeping pattern as 12hours+ a day is certainly not healthy.

Job hunting just took a positive step. Might get a job at my union. However downside is I'd have to wear a gay uniform. Beggars can't be choosers ey.

This computer is too slow, I'm off back to my Yard to clean the house for the girls' arrival.

New phrase courtesy of Claire; Bodacious!

Good day xo

Time flies...

When you're having fun!
So, New house = good. Lots of free time to do nothing but chill and hangout with who ever's left in hull. Got lots of positicve thigns to add i'll start at the begining;

• Hopefully *fingers crossed* i will be a Modball girl 2010! just got to wait for people to vote for me and then BOOM ha 3000miles 6countries 150 cars mmmm heaven!! So ic an't wait for that. Trip of a lifetime!
• Saw Carpathian on wednesday. Good to see the Aussies as it's been 2years since they stayed at mine! The played awesome as always, was great to hear their new stuff.
• Waitd up to see the meteor shower but was dissapointed only saw a couple f them!
• Will (my housemate) came to move some stuff in yesterday and we had an awesome drink down Princess Ave, lovely day!
• And the best thing so far, (thanks to emily mae) Claire and I are talking again now!!! SOSOSO happy, she came round for a brew and it's like we never fell out :) good times.

Well, seeing as i spilt apple juice all over my laptop about 5monthjs ago, im struggling at home hah so im watchign countless episodes of Family Guy and i am now currently sat in an internet cafe! Good Life haha. Got two photoshoots lined up one next week, one the week after. One at home with Richy Leeson on smoe random location somewhere, and makign a change for me i shall be wearing clothes haha. And then one with Josh Brown here in Hull! That'll be great to see him we're gonna make a few days of and i'm gonna give him a tour of Hull haha.

That's all for now xo

i forgot...

THIS... is good :]<3

unhealthy

Surely it's unhealthy for me to spend so much of my day wishing i was a better version of me. Perhaps Robyn (BETA), or Robyn Version 2.0?

Something to work on maybe?

Preparation

Been spending alot of time in Leeds these days, having ALOT of fun :] Unity day on saturday! which i shall be attending after moving into my house. Massive sound systems in the middle of Hyde park?! a hollahhhh. Gonna be a wicked and immensely messy day, followed by the after party at SubDub! I cannot wait!

So yes All week i shall be preparing for moving into my new house ! 110 De Grey St. Hull WOO! I cannot wait to move all ym stuff in and decorate my room. And also see the lovely Bex Nicholson! who i have missed terribly!

First on the agenda will be to get a decent job in order to save some monies for going out and gigs etc! Eeeee so exciting, It'll be ace when the boys move in too and we can start making it feel like a proper home !!

Well thats it for now, i'm off into town with George, Andy, David and Pete for a few swift ones! party party xoxo

Muggings, new starts and goodbyes

So, yes, the unfortunate happened! WE GOT ROBBED!

Helped Jack move into his new house in Hyde park. everything was going swimmingly and we were all in high spirits drinking and playing card games. Until we decided to venture out to do a bit of urban scrumping (which was unsuccessful). And OHHH THE IRONY. whilst we were out looting, we were being looted! Items robbed include; my hand bag (totaling about £700
worth of stuff in it) play station, games, phones, car keys, THE LOT!

On a better note though, i did meet a certain someone that night who i have spent most waking and sleeping hours with since then. Me and Ryan have driven what feels like everywhere. We went to whitby, saw ice age 3, harry potter 6, all over leeds, partied hard, been to newcastle for a gig and hit wagamamas hard!!!! It's been awesome:)

And now for goodbyes; Last night we went to see the amazing Have Heart supported by Rise & Fall and Shipwreck a.d. There was a brilliant turnout. With Have Heart being such a big band in hardcore there was a very eclectic mix of people and the atmosphere was a little bit strained at first (as we all know many people in the hc scene can be quite elitist etc) but it soon warmed up. Shipwreck a.d. we're fantastic playing a great range of old and new stuff, and the crowd certainly loved it. Rise & Fall we're slow to warm, as were the crowd. But once the Belgians got into the swing of things it picked up and they played a fantastic set. They played a track from their album soon to be released in October and by the sounds of that track it's gonna be a MEGA album. And then.... Have Heart came on. i missed the begning cos i was faffing about in the loo haha but it was amazing. The crowd were really loving it and the atmosphere was electric. So needless to say it was all a bit sad when we had to leave. But it's good to go out on a high right? Quit while you're ahead etc etc.

So here i now sit, on the phone to the Mr, and listening to my radio show with Bex cos i miss her. If i close my eyes its like she's here in my room! haha.

1 week and4days untill i move into my house YAYYYYY

Peace out homies xoxo

Been a while...

Well, since i last updated, i've been to Majorca! What an amazing 10 days! Highlights include; BCM MAGALUF!! foam party, 7am skinny dipping in the sea, birmingham accents, amazing views, cannabis absinthe, videos, bonkers, sangria, best pizzas ever, extreme tan lines and so much more. Me and Bex even missed our bus back to the aiport and had to spend 70euros on getting a bloody taxi ha.

So wheni got back i went to a networking party in LDN for modelling, was really fun talked to lots of different photographers and have been looking at booking shoots with them which is always good!

The next day Bex and I wenty to Hailing Island to go water skiing which was amzing fun i managed to stand up for like 10seconds!! haha.

Since i got back i've had a free house so have been entertain the old crew with BBQ's and party times! Having so much fun. A Good start to what will hopefully be a great summer.

TO DO;
book Ieper fest!
save money
move into my house (1st august)
get a job!
get to some shows !!
do something with my hair.
and make up haha.

Hopefully seeing Holli as well!! when she comes up to le toon! which will be awesome! i miss that lil missy!

xopeace

Catching up...

So in the past 2 weeks, i have been to newcastle and liverpool wth the lovely Blackout boys. Seen the beautiful Holli for an amazing night out in hull! sat 2 exams! and said goodbye to my first year of university! The week concluded in style at our end of year ball where we saw the musical talents of Feeder, Athlete, Benga, Dillinja and even a Take That tribute band; 'Take That Back' haha. what a night! everyone looked so glamourous (compared to usual!) and everyone was in such high spirits!

I can NOT believe I have finished my first year! It has actually flown by. It hasn't really sunk in yet. It has certainly been one of the best years of my life! i wouldn't change any second of it for the world!

On more exciting news! Bex and I are jetting off to Majorca for 11days tomorrow!!! i can't wait!!!! sun sea sand drink good food good weather! and alll that jazz! it's gonna be awesomeeeee.

Right I must dash i have some serious packing to do. i'll leave you with a polaroid from tour!
xo peace n tofu xo

Miss McCarthy

If i didn't love boys so much; i would seriously consider my sexuality for this lady. she make revision fun. Fuck of Harrogate you can't have her any more.. she's MINEEE xo

Still...

not studied for my finals

shit son

i keep getting distraccted. as i write i'm sat in the dresing room at newcastle university, whilst the blackout play their set. sounding really good!! silverstein, the urgency and hollywood undead were real good too, its been a great gig.

off to liverpool tomorrow and then back to hull where i shall, be awaiting a visit from the beautiful Holli!!!! and we're hittin the town !!! it's gonna be an awesome laugh. and then MAYBE i'll get some studying done and pass these fucking finals haha.

wow, it is hot as a fuck in here! xo

Mr & Mrs K. Etamine

i think my mind is slightly addled from narcotics


by slightly i mean, wow yeh quite a bit

cliche's and self sabotage

last week, my heart fell apart. shortly followed by my head.
due to the fact i'm a fucking awful drunk and cannot keep my tongue in my own fuckin mouth i've ruined something so good and i know i'll never get that back. for a change, i was actually happy, my heart actually flipped everytime my phone buzzed and i couldn't get that boy out of my head for one minute, i was falling for him so hard!!! and i fucking ruined it. and it hurt so, so much. it's been a week, and i am still dwelling on it.

seriously, what helps with this? i'd love to know how this could be easier for me? how can i make it right? i wish i knew the asnwer, i swear i'd give anything to make it right. i hate this.

why the hell do i just love to sabotage myself, and everything good in my life.

i miss him :(

equally as unproductive as yesterday

well, slightly less, i have actually done a little bit of work today, but i fear that is all i shall be doing today

i can't write up my notes revision style because i have forgotten my coloured pens and alas! i cannot revise without coloured pens! i'm a total nerd when it comes down to it really!

Just been re-reading all of my older posts and crikey, did i have alot of time to think ha! i have less time to ponder such crtical issues these days due to to much partying and not enough sleep. defiantely not complainging however.

Definately still battling against post-tour-blues! It was such a good week, and the fat amount of work i had to do brought me straight back down to earth as soon as i got home! ah well less than a month and then me an Bex are heading here....

Gonna be 12 days of sun, sea, sand and messy nights spent with the following days recovering. Just the break i will be needing after this hectic semester! i tell you, i have not stopped all year. I dont' regrtet a minute of it though.

I'm so excited for this summer, i have so much on; Majorca, modeling competiton in London, modelling for Saks hairdressing, (possibly) euro tour with the boys, Ieperfest09 and moving into my new house!!! So excited. It's gonna be one hell of a summer

love xo