Do Something Impossible...

Raise your flag to the wolves

2009-10-21T19:28:00.000-07:00

the ever so hungry wolves. who feed off your happiness and tear apart your soul.

feeling lost and blue tonight. needing someone to hold and reassure me. time away from the family shows its strain after a while. i need to start tying up loose ends, they're fraying everywhere as my mind starts to unravel. work is dragging me down. these people desperately clinging on are dragging me down. i yearn to be solitary and independent yet crave the closeness of friends. i confuse myself too much. i long to be the pepper to someones salt, the phoenix to someones flames... you get the jist.

final fight shall be singing me to sleep tonight
xo

Sabbath Jam

2009-09-25T05:37:00.000-07:00

currently spinning eyehategod
fuck me i forgot how amazing this band was.

Waiting...

2009-09-22T16:37:00.000-07:00

How much of our lives is spent 'waiting' for things.
Patience is a virtue i was definately not blessed with.

Brilliant day doing nothing at all with Bex. Sometimes the best days are where you do nothing at all and just kick back with some rubbish food and even worse television.

Up early tomorrow to get back into the swing of things, meeting with my boss to sort out all the promo work that needs to be done this week and next. Then Saturday begins freshers week and then Bex and I shall be leading the netball girls into battle to win over the freshers! ha.

Cig, Brew & Bed now!! Gutten Abend! xo

Taken

2009-09-17T10:16:00.000-07:00

VERY good place right now. Settled into my new job, co-workers are brilliant. Some suit gave me his number yesterday haha i politely declined the offer! Bex & Will move in this weekend! Next weekend freshers move in and my role as Social Sec finally begins! Al is coming to stay for a bit next week which im majorly SYKED about.

Starting to save money for travells next year. I stil cna't make my mind up where i'd like to go most. Cali (SnF fest), inter railing across Europe(inc Ieperfest), or Thailand. Hmm any of those for a month or so would be brilliant. Ohh maybe Ibiza?

Tonight is Claire's goodbye night out before she moves back to Sheffield :[ sad times. However this does mean regular visits to Sheff to go to Corp and get my smirk on haha.

Went to a good show the other night;

Only caught the end bands, but both were brilliant. Hordes were tight yo!

Went to both RZL DZL/ War Hungry/ Dirty Money shows (LDN & Bham) both shows were brill, however the LDN one was a liiiiitle pretentious but still a decent show. Spent a hella lot of money in Camden and in Brum center got some nice stuff though; Yellow crew-neck - 'M, i'd rather eat dirt', red/black plaid Fred Perry's, ankle boots from TopShop, and some vinyl & CD's in a record shop. So now im living frugely and spending as little as possible.

Ah Claire has arrived.
Toodelpip xo

I think?

2009-09-09T07:43:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty happy right now, crushing hard :] but in a good way.

Jo has moved in, so the house feels more full already! He's dead good to me, making me cups of tea in the morning and breakfast! So yeah, i don't really want to go back to univrsity, or work ha, i wis my life was jus one big party ( well it is, but i wish it was one big party without the work in between ha). But i'm sure everybody does!

I'm gonna go into town now, get my smiley pierced i tink :]

I'll leave you wit my fave picture at the moment from the shoot i did with Emily Mae;

War of the Worlds

2009-09-04T13:03:00.000-07:00

is on my tv

so SCARY. The main thing that scares me is the scene where all the people are tryin to get in the car! it scares me that that is how human behaviour actually is. I hope that no blumming machines come from outer space!!

So full now! just had tea, feel sick actually haha.

Leeds was awesome, me and Mae went to see Lewd acts, Gold Kids and Throats again. We stayed to party with the boys again. Totally crushing harrrrrd right now.

ARGH I HATE THIS FILM!!!!

haha why am i watching it

Sorry, Journal It's Been A While...

2009-09-01T17:54:00.000-07:00

so mae put on an AMAZIND gig at ringside; Gold Kids, Lewd Acts, Throats and Sex Dungeon.
Great laughs,
Great Guys
Sweet after party at mine with 22 people (2 gals - me n mae, and 20 guyds haha heaven. )
such awesome guys cant wait to see them again

LOVE... TONIHGT......
hot rod
wine
flight of the conchords
emily mae
rachael eggs benedict arnold
the prospect of leeds on thursday
the prospect of London at the weekend (for RZL DZL)(both courtesy of Aimee <3)
seeing Haroun5 ha
girlie chats
walking to the shops in my jimjams
peterkay
more vino
such a good evening
gutted i have work tomo

ULTIMATE PUNCH

Mad Love

2009-08-17T08:45:00.000-07:00

Holding some mad love for two girls in my life right now. Claire and Em-Mae. Having a night in with some Veggie Chilli, gossip and films tonight. It's always good to regain a bit of girl power in your life, when so constantly surrounded by testosterone!

Had one of those dreams last night, where I'm positive it's real and that I am awake. I could even feel the pain in this one. Bizarre. I also need to find a suitable sleeping pattern as 12hours+ a day is certainly not healthy.

Job hunting just took a positive step. Might get a job at my union. However downside is I'd have to wear a gay uniform. Beggars can't be choosers ey.

This computer is too slow, I'm off back to my Yard to clean the house for the girls' arrival.

New phrase courtesy of Claire; Bodacious!

Good day xo

Time flies...

2009-08-15T07:57:00.000-07:00

When you're having fun!
So, New house = good. Lots of free time to do nothing but chill and hangout with who ever's left in hull. Got lots of positicve thigns to add i'll start at the begining;

Hopefully *fingers crossed* i will be a Modball girl 2010! just got to wait for people to vote for me and then BOOM ha 3000miles 6countries 150 cars mmmm heaven!! So ic an't wait for that. Trip of a lifetime!
Saw Carpathian on wednesday. Good to see the Aussies as it's been 2years since they stayed at mine! The played awesome as always, was great to hear their new stuff.
Waitd up to see the meteor shower but was dissapointed only saw a couple f them!
Will (my housemate) came to move some stuff in yesterday and we had an awesome drink down Princess Ave, lovely day!
And the best thing so far, (thanks to emily mae) Claire and I are talking again now!!! SOSOSO happy, she came round for a brew and it's like we never fell out :) good times.

Well, seeing as i spilt apple juice all over my laptop about 5monthjs ago, im struggling at home hah so im watchign countless episodes of Family Guy and i am now currently sat in an internet cafe! Good Life haha. Got two photoshoots lined up one next week, one the week after. One at home with Richy Leeson on smoe random location somewhere, and makign a change for me i shall be wearing clothes haha. And then one with Josh Brown here in Hull! That'll be great to see him we're gonna make a few days of and i'm gonna give him a tour of Hull haha.

That's all for now xo

i forgot...

2009-07-28T14:52:00.001-07:00

THIS... is good :]<3

unhealthy

2009-07-28T14:36:00.000-07:00

Surely it's unhealthy for me to spend so much of my day wishing i was a better version of me. Perhaps Robyn (BETA), or Robyn Version 2.0?

Something to work on maybe?

Preparation

2009-07-27T14:17:00.000-07:00

Been spending alot of time in Leeds these days, having ALOT of fun :] Unity day on saturday! which i shall be attending after moving into my house. Massive sound systems in the middle of Hyde park?! a hollahhhh. Gonna be a wicked and immensely messy day, followed by the after party at SubDub! I cannot wait!

So yes All week i shall be preparing for moving into my new house ! 110 De Grey St. Hull WOO! I cannot wait to move all ym stuff in and decorate my room. And also see the lovely Bex Nicholson! who i have missed terribly!

First on the agenda will be to get a decent job in order to save some monies for going out and gigs etc! Eeeee so exciting, It'll be ace when the boys move in too and we can start making it feel like a proper home !!

Well thats it for now, i'm off into town with George, Andy, David and Pete for a few swift ones! party party xoxo

Muggings, new starts and goodbyes

2009-07-21T16:39:00.000-07:00

So, yes, the unfortunate happened! WE GOT ROBBED!

Helped Jack move into his new house in Hyde park. everything was going swimmingly and we were all in high spirits drinking and playing card games. Until we decided to venture out to do a bit of urban scrumping (which was unsuccessful). And OHHH THE IRONY. whilst we were out looting, we were being looted! Items robbed include; my hand bag (totaling about £700
worth of stuff in it) play station, games, phones, car keys, THE LOT!

On a better note though, i did meet a certain someone that night who i have spent most waking and sleeping hours with since then. Me and Ryan have driven what feels like everywhere. We went to whitby, saw ice age 3, harry potter 6, all over leeds, partied hard, been to newcastle for a gig and hit wagamamas hard!!!! It's been awesome:)

And now for goodbyes; Last night we went to see the amazing Have Heart supported by Rise & Fall and Shipwreck a.d. There was a brilliant turnout. With Have Heart being such a big band in hardcore there was a very eclectic mix of people and the atmosphere was a little bit strained at first (as we all know many people in the hc scene can be quite elitist etc) but it soon warmed up. Shipwreck a.d. we're fantastic playing a great range of old and new stuff, and the crowd certainly loved it. Rise & Fall we're slow to warm, as were the crowd. But once the Belgians got into the swing of things it picked up and they played a fantastic set. They played a track from their album soon to be released in October and by the sounds of that track it's gonna be a MEGA album. And then.... Have Heart came on. i missed the begning cos i was faffing about in the loo haha but it was amazing. The crowd were really loving it and the atmosphere was electric. So needless to say it was all a bit sad when we had to leave. But it's good to go out on a high right? Quit while you're ahead etc etc.

So here i now sit, on the phone to the Mr, and listening to my radio show with Bex cos i miss her. If i close my eyes its like she's here in my room! haha.

1 week and4days untill i move into my house YAYYYYY

Peace out homies xoxo

Been a while...

2009-06-28T07:18:00.000-07:00

Well, since i last updated, i've been to Majorca! What an amazing 10 days! Highlights include; BCM MAGALUF!! foam party, 7am skinny dipping in the sea, birmingham accents, amazing views, cannabis absinthe, videos, bonkers, sangria, best pizzas ever, extreme tan lines and so much more. Me and Bex even missed our bus back to the aiport and had to spend 70euros on getting a bloody taxi ha.

So wheni got back i went to a networking party in LDN for modelling, was really fun talked to lots of different photographers and have been looking at booking shoots with them which is always good!

The next day Bex and I wenty to Hailing Island to go water skiing which was amzing fun i managed to stand up for like 10seconds!! haha.

Since i got back i've had a free house so have been entertain the old crew with BBQ's and party times! Having so much fun. A Good start to what will hopefully be a great summer.

TO DO;
book Ieper fest!
save money
move into my house (1st august)
get a job!
get to some shows !!
do something with my hair.
and make up haha.

Hopefully seeing Holli as well!! when she comes up to le toon! which will be awesome! i miss that lil missy!

xopeace

Catching up...

2009-06-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

So in the past 2 weeks, i have been to newcastle and liverpool wth the lovely Blackout boys. Seen the beautiful Holli for an amazing night out in hull! sat 2 exams! and said goodbye to my first year of university! The week concluded in style at our end of year ball where we saw the musical talents of Feeder, Athlete, Benga, Dillinja and even a Take That tribute band; 'Take That Back' haha. what a night! everyone looked so glamourous (compared to usual!) and everyone was in such high spirits!

I can NOT believe I have finished my first year! It has actually flown by. It hasn't really sunk in yet. It has certainly been one of the best years of my life! i wouldn't change any second of it for the world!

On more exciting news! Bex and I are jetting off to Majorca for 11days tomorrow!!! i can't wait!!!! sun sea sand drink good food good weather! and alll that jazz! it's gonna be awesomeeeee.

Right I must dash i have some serious packing to do. i'll leave you with a polaroid from tour!
xo peace n tofu xo

Miss McCarthy

2009-06-01T16:56:00.001-07:00

If i didn't love boys so much; i would seriously consider my sexuality for this lady. she make revision fun. Fuck of Harrogate you can't have her any more.. she's MINEEE xo

Still...

2009-05-27T14:35:00.000-07:00

not studied for my finals

shit son

i keep getting distraccted. as i write i'm sat in the dresing room at newcastle university, whilst the blackout play their set. sounding really good!! silverstein, the urgency and hollywood undead were real good too, its been a great gig.

off to liverpool tomorrow and then back to hull where i shall, be awaiting a visit from the beautiful Holli!!!! and we're hittin the town !!! it's gonna be an awesome laugh. and then MAYBE i'll get some studying done and pass these fucking finals haha.

wow, it is hot as a fuck in here! xo

Mr & Mrs K. Etamine

2009-05-21T02:32:00.000-07:00

i think my mind is slightly addled from narcotics

by slightly i mean, wow yeh quite a bit

cliche's and self sabotage

2009-05-21T01:54:00.000-07:00

last week, my heart fell apart. shortly followed by my head.
due to the fact i'm a fucking awful drunk and cannot keep my tongue in my own fuckin mouth i've ruined something so good and i know i'll never get that back. for a change, i was actually happy, my heart actually flipped everytime my phone buzzed and i couldn't get that boy out of my head for one minute, i was falling for him so hard!!! and i fucking ruined it. and it hurt so, so much. it's been a week, and i am still dwelling on it.

seriously, what helps with this? i'd love to know how this could be easier for me? how can i make it right? i wish i knew the asnwer, i swear i'd give anything to make it right. i hate this.

why the hell do i just love to sabotage myself, and everything good in my life.

i miss him :(

equally as unproductive as yesterday

2009-05-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

well, slightly less, i have actually done a little bit of work today, but i fear that is all i shall be doing today

i can't write up my notes revision style because i have forgotten my coloured pens and alas! i cannot revise without coloured pens! i'm a total nerd when it comes down to it really!

Just been re-reading all of my older posts and crikey, did i have alot of time to think ha! i have less time to ponder such crtical issues these days due to to much partying and not enough sleep. defiantely not complainging however.

Definately still battling against post-tour-blues! It was such a good week, and the fat amount of work i had to do brought me straight back down to earth as soon as i got home! ah well less than a month and then me an Bex are heading here....

Gonna be 12 days of sun, sea, sand and messy nights spent with the following days recovering. Just the break i will be needing after this hectic semester! i tell you, i have not stopped all year. I dont' regrtet a minute of it though.

I'm so excited for this summer, i have so much on; Majorca, modeling competiton in London, modelling for Saks hairdressing, (possibly) euro tour with the boys, Ieperfest09 and moving into my new house!!! So excited. It's gonna be one hell of a summer

love xo

productivity = 0

2009-05-12T08:46:00.000-07:00

So, what should i being doing today? alot of things is the answer to that question! i need to revise, no...i need to learn ! it's all fun and games skipping lectures to travel the country or to sleep in, but slightly regrettable now the time has come to revise the topics and then do an exam on said topics! i don't think could tell you one thing i have learnt form smester 2! this, is very worrying. However, i can tak solace inthe fact that i was in the same predicament for the last exams and managed to pull my finger out at the last minut and bust out two 2:1's! result!! it's been the same throughout my life (even in primary school). my report card says the same every year; "robyn is a very intelligent girl and scores good grades, but if she just pu that little extra effort into her work that we knowshe has, she could get GREAT grades"

i think i'm ok with 'good' for now.

so, instead of pulling my finger out and revising, im sat her whilst bex tidies her room around me and im actively looking for things to do that is NOT reivison. for example im about to start making my tour/recent happening diary. the amount of effort im putting into it; itll be awesome, i should reallly put this much effort into my work, i reckon i'd get a first!

word of the day; apathetic

peace xo

So, here it ends!

2009-05-07T07:27:00.001-07:00

Update No. 2 of the tour!

So Hull was our final show! *tears!* We left Harrogate a little later than we should have, as we got promptly lost due to the satnav being of no use at all! Our homing devices finally kicked in and we made it on to the motorway and sped off to sunny Hull to do the radio show. I briefed the boys on what not to say (however little attention was paid!) and we started the show! All was going well until Mark inadvertedly called me floozy (my parents were listening!) caughey started swearing and my CD gave up the ghost! Aiden to the rescue with his blank CD's!! So, we carried on the show, having to cut it a little...well an hour short to make the show.

The set up was smooth with Holli and I manning the merch stall again, which as the tour progessed became more and more of an artform than any thing else, and i became extremely anal about anyone touching it ha! The two local bands were brilliant and before we knew it, it was time was the boys to play the last show of the tour! They played fanstic and we were all in really high spirits with echoes of; "DR DRE MOTHERFUCKER" resounding throughout the room to The Diehards set. Unfortunately the video camera ran out of film before the end of Rip It Up's song Half Mast but everyone enjoyed it any way.

I've never packed up te merch stuff so fast in my life, everything was away and into the van within minutes as we were trying to catch Fuck With Fire who were playing in Harrogate. We JUST to say made it and it was certainly worth it.

There's already talk of a Euro tour, so hopefully the talk will become reality!!!

What an amazing week, couldn't have spent it with better people!!!

Thank to every one who helped us out, Aiden and Holli for driving,. all of the promoters, Tom and the rest of nowhere fast, Dungeons, the Chatham lot for letting us stay in the venue, Mez, Ben, and just everyone who came to the shows thanks for the support, thanks for buying merch so we could feed the van and car petrol.

One of the best weeks ever xo

What an amazing 5days...

2009-05-05T07:19:00.000-07:00

So, it's the last day of the tour with Rip It Up (Newcastle) and The Diehards (Harrogate). It has been one hell of a tour.

First day started out with a hike over to harrogate where i was met by the lovely Hollie and 4/5's of The Diehards. We then began the tour on the drive up to Newcastle. The show had an amazing turn out at the practice rooms behind Cooperage. The Diehards, Black Wolves, Rip It Up, Nowherefast, Frites, CxRxP, Gut Care. The atmostphere was excellent with everyone bringing their own booze, and Caughey even got a bash to the head leaving a nice trophy wound for the rest of tour. We WERE up for going out, but everyone turned out to be far to hammered and sleepy so we headed back to Mark's house to catch some kip.

The next day started out with Josh and I going for a nice shopping trip resulting in some fresh new nike air max! Then we headed over to Aidens house where the van was waiting for the 6 boys, myself, and all of our gear. The harrogate lot (minus Josh) had headed back the night before so were meeting us in Liverpool . We set off later than planned with a few unscheduled stops in the middle of no where! Caughey's arse making regular appearances as usual. We than began the mammoth task of finding the skate park, than turned out to not even be in Liverpool but in Ainston. We stopped to ask for directions, but with the combination of Jo's thick geordie accent and the Lady at Blockbuster's thick Scouse accent, we mayaswell have not have bothered. Caughey, Mark, Josh and I amsued ourselves by making up songs about everything we saw, including tghe classic; "Disco Subway!". Even after phonecalls backwards n forwards, asking for more directions, and driving about for a good hour we still couldn't find the venue. Alas, it was too late, and the skate park had closed its doors and we still couldn't find it. Nowhere Fast came to meet us, took us to get alcohol, then we went back to Tom's gorgeous house to get wierd on the drink and have a good smoke. Everyone had a space on the floor to sleep, even if Josh and I did sleep on the upstairs landing.

The next day was gorgeous, a few of us even making it to the beach to frollock in the sand. We managed to pack all of our stuff up and go food shopping, even managed to take a wicked polaroid before setting off for Ipswich. The drive was long, but we had food, music, and Caughey's arse to keep us company. With Rob's arse even making an appearance as he drove past the van and hung out the window!!! All was caught on either camera or film so don't worry! Time seemed to fly by however, and we were in Ipswich in no time (well, we did have Hollie and her satnav leading the way!). As we scoped out the venue some of the boys paid a seedy sex shop a visit, with the owner even offering £10 off an Asian ladyboy sex DVD! We began unloadiung everything, and i set about the task of making the Rip It Up/Black Wolves splits. Turn out was pretty poor, but everyone that turned up made the most of it with kids jumping about for both bands and even some skateboarding during the sets! After the show we all went to a pub in town before parting ways and heading of to our destinations to sleep. Our lot ended up in a converted garage that is now a practice room, fully equiped with sound proofing on the walls, belgoning to members of Dungeons. everyone slept well, even if it was too hot, and the next day after everyone had showered a few of us played a bit of basketball/netball in the garden.

We then set off for Chatham. This drive was even less painfull and only took 1hr and a half to 2 hours. We found the venue in good time and got to mess around, skate around and just generally let off some steam before setting up all of the gear. Hollie and I made an excellent job of setting up the merch, we even sold some! Ript It Up and The Diehards played amazing as always and we all enjoyed the Black and Blue set! We soon discovered we were to be staying in the venue over night so we brought all of our stuff in after the show and proceeded to get wierd again on the drink and smoke. Caughey donned my bikini (which i shall burn at a later date) and danced about providing a good show for every one and before we knew it he was sompletely naked apart from his socks and shoes!!! Josh and I couldn't handle it any longer and bed down for the night, or so we thought. We were awoken by the lads dragging Josh around the room in his sleeping bag! We finally got to sleep and woke up in the freezing room with a banging head ache to discover the carnaged that had unfolded. We couldnt get a shower but us girls made the best of the freezing cold water in the bathroom and managed to scrub up quite well!

We said our good byes and set off on the road to Leeds. This time there was less of Caughey's arse and alot more of Mark sleeping. We stopped off at, what must have been, THE most expensive service station in the history of service stations! The drive took less time than we thought and we arrived at Mez's house where we were greeted with an amazing dinner. The gig was at The Pack Horse, which is a brilliant venue for shows in my opinon. I saw Ruiner and Sinking Ships there a while ago and it was a fantastic and intimate show. Valhallah Pacifists, The Diehards, Rip It Up, Ash, Waking the Dead. However the boys were all drained and tired from touring and the atmosphere just wasn't the same. Apart from Steve, who seemed to have drank away his tiredness and acheyness every day. After the show we drove back to Harrogate where many of us were thrilled at the prospect of sleeping in an ACTUAL bed!

As I write this we're sat in The Diehards front room all ready to Leave for Hull. The van with Aiden, Mark, Jo, Christoffaloffal-the-fallofelwaffel, Rob, Caughey and myself in is departing first in about ten minutes folloowed shortly by the rest of the Diehards who will arrive about 7pm. We are leaving early so that i can interview these lovely, smelly boys on my radio show.

So, if you're reading now, head on over to www.ilovejamradio.co.uk you can listen via that website. It's gonna be an awesome and hilarious show:)

I shall keep you updated on tonight's shinanigans! Hull, here we come! xo

currently spinning...

2009-04-15T16:14:00.000-07:00

ok so my laptop is overheating from being inundated with new/old/current music
thought i'd just write down what i'm loving right now

1. the new polar bear club
2.texas is the reason
3.sunny day real estate
4.jeremy enigk
5.quicksand
6.flagman
7.sparkmarker
8.stolen bikes ride faster
9.monument
10.cheap tragedies

i love my itunes right now

if you havent checked any of the above out
i suggest you do
a nice little mix up there
jeremy enigk's voice gives me shivers, it's beautiful

peace xo

My Insides Must Hate Me...

2009-04-11T11:51:00.000-07:00

So...
I have returned from the mighty tour in Salou, and can i just say, i never expected anything like it, it was unbelievable. I really wish we didnt have to come home.

Even the 30hour bus journey was hilarious. I'lll bullet point some hilarious happneings;

falling over on the bust and bouncing all the way to the front
6funnels
playing netball in the car park/drive thru area at Dover port
bantering with other uni's
alot of nudity on the boys part
cock or ball
social on the ferry
drinking wine at 7 am after having 2hours sleep
drawing on everyone asleep
ariving and getting thrown in the pool
continuing drinking
being the only leaguer in netball league history to have to have a time out for being too pissed
not reaaallly playing netball/playing badly!
making friends with the sunderland and leeds met girls!
initiation! = umpa lumpas
facials haha
sailors
sussex boys mmmm
staying up through the night until breakfast
swimming in the freezing cold pool
taking photos underwater
jaccuzi
loughborough boys mmm
bucks boys mmm
messing around on the beach

the list is endless

hopefully ill get some amazing pictures up. i'm still on such a high. i was named club drunk. which considering we are netball league...is no mean feat!!!!

giving up

2009-02-05T19:30:00.001-08:00

its been a while.
uni has not dissapointed untill tonight

feeling transparent is not a feeling i enjoy
i wish life could be like in the movies/the songs
but its not and its hard to deal with the fact that people wont always notice when your in need of a little help/attention.

i need a lift
lets get wonky

word of the day = WONK

Thought Vacation

2009-01-14T16:52:00.001-08:00

total vacuum inside my head today.

today i am loving;

righteous jams
pulling teeth
jack wills wrist warmers
my new polaroid camera
innocent smoothies
reaaaalllllyyyyyy loooooongggg showers
fake-bake

today i'm hatin';

revision as usual
lack of monetry value in my bank account
lack of self control
breaking a nail! these cost me 40quid!
having little time to do alot!

getting my hair done tomorrow, i shall feel much better. i'm also going to the doctors, because my legs won't stop itching!!!!!!! allerigic reaction? echzma? hope not! also writing my CV tomorrow, with help from the parentals! i need all the help i can get to make me sound employable. i am in serious need of a job, just extra cash that i can put away into a savings account for California this summer!

keepin' it real since 1989! xo

city lights

2009-01-13T17:21:00.000-08:00

Can't wait to be here. SNF09 is going to be one hell of a trip! Going with the best girls. Meeting the best people there. I'm going to end up leaving my heart behind, i can feel it.

My sleep pattern is totally fucked up. Too many late nights and staying up untill 6am talking to a certain cutie from the states is not helping ha, totally worth it.

Revision going well-ish. Got my head down a bit more today, so got a large chunk of it done. It's boring doing it so i'm sure it'sboring reading about it. I'll stop...

Moving back to Hull on Sunday. Can't wait. I miss my busy social life. This town is dead. A dead town full of dead-beats.

I'd like someone to share these moments with. You know the quiet ones. Where there's nothing to do, except nothing. Infact, i'd like someone to share all my moments with. Someone to make my stomach flip over everytime they say something. That would be nice... I'll have to keep my eyes and heart open until such a person leaps into my life. Leap away guys, please? ha.

keep it real xo

Word of the Day;

iconoclast \ahy-KON-uh-klast\, noun:

a person who attacks cherished beliefs or institutions as foolish or wrong

late night thinking time

2009-01-11T17:20:00.000-08:00

every night. If I'm awake and alone, i start thinking. and not about anything good, i think about all the rubbish stuff; blow it out of proportion and then work myself up about it. sucks to be me late at night.

thought 1: how come just cos someones girlfriend doesnt really like me, they find it hard to talk to me nowadays?
thought 2: i'm definately going to fail my exams. so lame, i should really go to more lectures ha.
thought 3: i wish i was back in the states. i miss boston, alot! at least i;m off to sound and fury this year, well if i can find anyone who hasn't booked it all up already!
thought 4: i want it to hurry up and be summer so i can see a certain someone and just be warm again ha
thought 5: i need to stop wishing my life away, it's so hard when current affairs SUCK. why do i have this feelingof despair in my heart. i feel as if im slowly becoming no one, when all i want to be is someone. and someone big!

that's enough misery for this eve!
positiveness is needed. if i am to survive this last week at home, i am in dire need of some posi attitude. anyone now where i can buy some? i'll trade you this negativeness for a hit? ha.

'we laugh at the waves as they crash on us'

xo

just realised

2009-01-10T09:29:00.000-08:00

my last 3 posts have included a list of what i want to do this year ha!
better make sure i get it done! xo

The begining of 2009 leaves me excited...

2009-01-10T08:56:00.000-08:00

at the prospet of a trip to the big smoke with Oliber! were i shall get to see Xam!

at my new cameras when i get my loan through!

at my new piercings i've decided i want lol.

at the prospect of sound and fury and ieper this year! where i will get to see Haroun, drive around in his whip and be really "hood" together haha! and obviously see a bucket load of amazing bands.

to get my new house in september with Bex, Will and Parton!

for tour in April!!!!!

Newquay in Summer with Bex!

and loads more that 2009 has so bring! it's going to be a good year i can feel it! Last night was a brilliant example of this. A great nights work resulting in me being more than merry! Followed by an amazing and messy night out with Charli. Followed by an encounter with a less-than-friendly policewoman! good times!

Word of the day...

fastidious \fa-STID-ee-uhs\, adjective:
hard to please; extremely refined or critical

word xo

tired eyes...

2009-01-08T13:51:00.000-08:00

revising all day. well i could have done better, but i have little to zero amount of drive.

been planning my states trips with parents and friends today. hopefully sound and fury is on the cards this year. Even if not, winter 2009 or summer 2010, shall be seeing a visit to the states. a short stop in boston followed by an east coast tour courtesy of some rad friends!

i've decided on some resolutions...

start drawing alot more again, it relaxes me and i miss it!
get my driving liscence! trains bore me now!
get fit!(standard NYresolution that graces everyone's list at somepoint)
do more travelling, especially to america
spend less money on uselss shite!

good list so far in my eyes.

tired eyes...

xopeace

nothing profound today

2009-01-08T03:36:00.001-08:00

just general thoughts...

so much to do this year and so little money today it with

on top of endless gigs there is...

snowboarding in Val at the end of feb
tour in easter
newquay in summer
sound and fury in the states
ieperfest in belgium
buying and moving into my new house

and all the wonk, partying and frivolity in between!

i'm gonna have to get a 2nd student loan. or alternatively, a better job!

write your suggestions here!

Word of the Day...

daunt \dawnt, dahnt\, verb:

1. to frighten; overcome with fear

2. to discourage; lesson the courage of

i can say...

2009-01-07T02:40:00.000-08:00

i hope it will be worth what i give up...

xo

nothing like...

2009-01-05T13:53:00.003-08:00

a flick past an ex boyfriend's profile, to bring you straight back down again.

bastard

nothing like...

2009-01-05T13:46:00.000-08:00

listening to an uplifting song to make you feel better.

i currently feel that my life actually might go somewhere. and that i can make it go somewhere.
i hope this feeling lasts a little while longer, i'm enjoying it. now... where am i going?!

another question, for another day.

Do you...

2009-01-05T12:49:00.000-08:00

...ever think about me when i think about you? Doubt it.

Reasonably easy day today. Got to finish work early and wonder round town. I seem to be having a problem getting my head down to revise. Also, I just looked at a past paper...I'm severly worried. I don't know one thing that is on it! Crikey, best start reading some books!

I have no interesting annecdotes as of yet to add.

peace xo.

Word of the Day...

abstinent \AB-stuh-nuhnt\, adjective:
abstaining, especially from self-indulgence

4 days in...

2009-01-04T03:35:00.000-08:00

Well 2009 began with a bang, and is steadily rolling on. NYE was a fantastic night/day. Check my facebook for more pictures if you know me. It took me an hour to do my hair, which was pretty pointless considering the state we were all in! ha!

On a downer now... I miss Boston, MA so much. I miss the family and friends and the place in general. I've been flicking through my friends Orlando pictures from the Xmas holidays and have become all nostalgic, remembering the amazing times I've had over there over on the East side! From Disney World when i was a young'un, to shopping in outlets in Boston and seeing the family in Haverhill, sightseeing in NY and all the rest. It's such a fantastic place. I better start saving so I can go!

Well, revision starts today! I have two exams (eggs-hams as Jo says) to revise for. One of which i have'nt got a clue what I'm supposed to be revising, as I didn't attend any lectures in the past month (idiot!). So today is more of a learning session than a revision session. 1week and 5days until i move back into my flat! I can't wait to see all my friends again and get back into the routine! 1week and 6days untill my first exam. 2weeks and 2days until my second exam. I'm so nervous. It's funny how the higher up in education I get, the more nervous i become with each exam!

peace xo

Word of the Day;

zealous \ZEL-uhs\, adjective:
full of zeal; actively enthusiastic

To remain obdurate before authority, to display one's loyalty to the collective, to be a zealous student wholeheartedly eager to deepen one's grasp of doctrine--these were qualities that bore witness precisely to the personal, to the individual.

2008

2008-12-29T01:22:00.000-08:00

THIS NEEDS TO BE FINISHED...SOON HOPEFULLY

In pictures, with a running commentary. I basically searched through my photo folders in search of those dated '08...

JANUARY '08

Harriet and I before a posh night out in Newcastle looking for rich older men! 12.01.08

23.01.08

Gettin crunk at harriet's flat. The following day i was 1hour late for an exam... and got 100%! good ey?!

24.01.08

At sumo with Charli and co. I had such a good time with Dave that night.

25.01.08

The morning after the Blacklisted&Shipwreck show. At chris' old house. With Hull Pack and LosingXStreak. Brilliant!!

31.01.08

Harriet's Birthday night out. We're cave girls.

2008-12-29T01:02:00.000-08:00

Sleep pattern becoming more and more random. Slept 4am untill 7.30am and even then it was broken. Leaves time to think. Never good, on your own, in a darkened room.

on another note. fuck you. how dare you make me feel so worthless. of corse i'm talking to myself.

aurora borealis

2008-12-28T18:20:00.000-08:00

"northern lights"

Some one called me this the other day. I like it.

On a more negative light. I do not like this new found extra padding I now have. It happened the same time last year. I did something about it. It was goooood. And then something bad happened. And i find myself back to square one...

Something must be done

No War

2008-12-26T10:06:00.000-08:00

It's a sad state of affairs this world is in.

Feelings: Anger, sadness, grief, guilt, determination, urgency

Something needs to be done. The answer and truth is not "up there" we needs to look to each other and most importantly ourselves for "the answer". There is no divine power, only man power. Only we can put right all we have done wrong. And the sooner the world actually realises this the better. Stop looking upwards, and starting looking forwards. Make a difference in this world

now

NYE

2008-12-26T03:49:00.000-08:00

what can i cram into the last few days of 2008?

this year has been amazing,lady luck has worked in my favour and that little thing called fate has been on my side.

any resolutions for the next year?

I'll get back to you on that...

Appeal To Reason...

2008-12-25T05:23:00.000-08:00

phenominal!

seriously, this album is good.

merry christmas. i hope you all find what you were looking for. I found mine under the tree....

Reinventing Yourself

2008-11-30T19:04:00.000-08:00

How far do people go to reinvent themselves and for what reasons?

It's a question often on my mind. How far will one person go to completely revamp their lifestyle in order to satisfy their needs and often others. Some people get a new hair cut, maybe a new outfit. But sometimes, well...quite oftenly I see others completely change who they are, what they do and occaisonally who they are seen with.

I want to know, how much can one person reinvent themselves without eyebrows being raised. If it's a positive step surely people should be supportive and happy. However if it is a step someone makesin order to gain popularity through fakeness then yes, eyebrows should be raised.

I don't know, it's 3.22am and I'm waffling.
Watching Desperate Housewives, it's addictive.
I should probably sleep! Library session tomorrow, followed by netball training, and then a hefty night at SugarMill.

Sleep well xo

Cravings

2008-11-30T19:02:00.000-08:00

Mashed potato and gravy

random?!

Happiness...

2008-11-24T18:53:00.000-08:00

I can't seem to get this post started. I keep re-writing it over and over again...

We live in a very materialistic world, there is no denying that. We all get concerned about our possessions. Let's face it our possessions are a part of who we are. But that's all they should be...a part! Not WHO you are. I see so many people completely consumed my consumerism and I am unable to see through this fake exterior and work out who they really are. Surely you can not trust someone covered in a material exterior? Well this has proved out to be true. Recently it has become clear to me which people in my life have true intentions and who truely are my friends, maybe this may change in a few months, maybe even tomorrow, but it's quite satisfying to know who you trust even if it is 3.09am! I'm tired of childish behaviour, rumours and constantly looking over my shoulder. I have a great life right now, certain friendships could still be friendhips, but I have learnt to bite the bullet and have learnt to be completely happy with every aspect of my life. Uni is tough, but not unbearable and between socialising, netball and radio I am managing to get my coursework and various other essays done (at stupid o'clock in the morning, but done nonetheless).

On a more positive note - NFG, SYG, 4YS, CIS tomorrow! A date with my lovely Harriet! Going to be an awesome evening.

On a more negative note - I think I'm becoming nocturnal! not good! It's not 3.27am and I'm not feeling tired!

Peace xo

Anything but that...

2008-11-04T16:27:00.000-08:00

I am struggling considerably to write this essay of a mear 500words. It's a pityful attempt and I'm only hoping i manage to shake it off in time for real essay, that count for something.

So I'm dragging up my past and i have no idea why. I've been sat here, bringing up all the negative stuff that's happened in my life and for what reason? I was already feeling low and decided to feel lower? Stupid thought-train. So yeah tonight has definately not been a productive evening, i have dont little to no work, and i have just sat and wallowed in self pity. Why does our negative past, decide to haunt us in our sadest hours?

There's a few things that keep playing on the back of my mind. A matter of choices and a matter of pride. I have lost a few things recently (and no i don't mean i lost my wallet or similar item), I mean things that meant something to me; emotions, people, and i'm still left wondering "what the hell just happened". I know i seem to be talking in riddles, but not giving to much away and trying to vent is quite a mean feat!

I want my friends back - and what grinds me down is that this on one hand is compltely up to and it is me who should be trying to put things to rights, and yet i have no idea how to make this better, lest i find a time machine.
I want my positivity back - suppose i may have to wait for that one?
I want my lonliness gone - sitting alone in my room can't be helping.
I would also very much like this essay done - and that my friends, will not be happening anytime soon.

Catching up.

2008-11-02T06:48:00.000-08:00

Before i welcome myself back i need to excuse my absence.

Since my move at the end of september my life has literally been caught up in the whirlwind that is first year of university. And not one moment of it has been boring! after the initial meeting and greeting of my flatmates we set about making sure we attended every single freshers event possible! Some shit. Some awesome. I have thrown my self into the lifestyle with such force that i never have any time to sit down and actually be bored, which is always good. I made the netball team, I'm dancing again, I have a job doing promo for the uni and my boss is awesome, and not only that... I have my own RADIO SHOW! pretty awesome stuff. Of corse there is the downside that i have work to do, essays to write and research to participate in but I'm sure i handle it. I have made a million friends here and there, some i will probably never see/talk to again, and some who I will probably end up living with next year! On the downside one relationship has ended and not in the nicest of ways, and I'm left feeling a little bewildered if anything, as not only am I left without a relationship but also without a friendship which baffles me.

So even in the midst of all that, i have found time to give myself a birthday present! Courtesy of the lovely Jon Vasey. It is now mostly coloured (not fully as I completely wimped out during the colour in Sheffield and decided it was best finished at a later date, sorry Vasey lol). I'm so happy about the (almost) finished result and have wasted no time in showing it off and getting my leg out!

So for the rest of the year I'm going to be one busy woman with all of my uni activities and also fitting shows like Verse, HaveHeart, Cruel Hand, Carpathian, Death Is Not Glamourous, NFG, SYG, 4Year Strong and Crime In Stereo.

In a way, I still can't wait to go home, be looked after by my parents and see all my friends back home!

In another sense of the phrase catching up, I wonder if this extremely busy lifestyle will catch up on me soon enough? Or if I will be able to manage? Guess I'll have to just wait and see...

No, Sleep, 'till Brooklyn!

2008-09-26T17:02:00.000-07:00

So yeah, I can't sleep. Too excite/anxious. Was looking out of my bedroom window having a crafty cig and just enjoying how serene and peacful the West End of Darlington is at night. Free from the cackles of drunken, pregnant teenage girls as well as foul language and drunken tirades of immature chavs. Ahhhh, i can almost here the old timers snoring in there arm chairs.

Leaving the Nest...

2008-09-26T14:12:00.000-07:00

So, the big day is finally upon me. Tomorrow for the very first time, I shall be moving out and onto pastures new. Like thousands of other 18 year olds up and down the country, I will be taking the biggest step of my life and enrolling on a full time course at university (the University of Hull). To be honest... I'm starting to get cold feet. I wonder if everyone else is too? No more Mum to do everything for me. No more Dad to tease me and spoil me. I've had to say goodbye to some of my oldest and dearest friends these past weeks and it has been tough. Not only am I disappearing off to 'Sunny Hull' but they are also back off to their new lives in far away cities like Newcastle, Warwick, Cambridge, Sheffield, London and some even abroad. I'm starting to get that sinking feeling that from tomorrow certain things i have taken for granted are just going to be ripped out form underneath me.

I sound like I don't even want to go. I really, REALLY do, and I am unbelievably excited if a little aprehentious. This is my chance to prove myself. Prove I can push my self that little bit further. It is also a blatantly obvious chance for me to have an absolutely wild time and never look back. I wonder if everyone else is feeling this way. Of corse they must be.

I really miss this place.
I often wonder why can't not only England, but other fast pace, impatient, ignorant (and not to mention obese) nations be more like the quiet, laid back Belgians.
Where good beer, architecture and bicycles come first.
Where pride in their hometown and country is obvious through the pristine nature of the streets.
Where hardcore thrives in every social club and backstreet pub.
I was fortunate enough to have the chance to visit Ieper(Ypres) on the French border last year for what was actually one of the most amazing weekends of my life; live music, vegan food, great beer, great company. I have since been back for the same festival, but also for Justice last show and a small part of me went just to see the beautiful country again. The weather is great, if only a little better than England's.

(Oli Photo)

I forgot how therapeutic having a blog/diray was. I'll update this more often.